Rustic Pie Hospitality

A letter to My Sisters in Christ by Tiffany Blaire

I once confessed on social media that I was terrible at making pies because they were always ugly. “Oh, just say you made a rustic crust, it tastes just as good,” someone replied. This was actually a pretty brilliant way of looking at things. Not everything has to be magazine cover beautiful to be good and enjoyed. And the amazing thing about this philosophy in our day and age of perfectionism is that it can extend well beyond pies and baking.

I have a second confession to make: I do not have it all together, like not even close. To anyone who has chatted with me on X, this will come as no surprise, but there is a reason for me bringing it up. When a person writes about a particular subject, they are usually very knowledgeable in the field in which they are writing. Pastors write about scripture and doctrine because they have spent a great amount of time in the training and study of it. Researchers publish findings within their field of research. Psychologists write about human behavior, medical doctors write about the medical issues of today. But friends, today I want to write about hospitality. And I am terrible at it.

I see all the imperfections of my home mere hours before visitors arrive. For reasons known only to my Creator, my eyes are only open to the hand prints on the wall, the scraped paint on the wainscoting, the stain on the floor, and the nose smear on the glass under the impending loom of COMPANY. As we get down to the final hours before a person arrives at our house, I have laundry baskets that are quickly filled with clothes, toys, accessories, books, and pretty much anything else that has been left out in the common areas of our home. These baskets are then unceremoniously shoved into our bedroom and the door is firmly shut. Without fail, I boggle the food I had planned on fixing- I either burn it or mess up on measurements, or over salt or under salt. You get the picture, my nervous cooking flat-lines my brain. My husband assures me the food I regularly cook for our family is wonderful, but I’m sure our guests think that our whole family suffers under the great burden of my love.

However, I am learning by slow increments, to get over it. My house is clean. It has children, and will be that way for some years, but it’s fine. It isn’t something that is going to make someone else uncomfortable (the offending nose print will be washed off the window). My food might not be all that great, but honestly people aren’t coming over for my amazing culinary delights, they are coming over for fellowship. The truth is, the importance and command of being hospitable is far more crucial than my discomfort and inelegance at doing it. And eventually, over time, surely I will improve.

So why, you may wonder, is hospitality this important? And what is it exactly? First, let’s recognize that this is an actual command that appears repeatedly in the New Testament (it’s in the Old Testament as well, but not as directly worded):

1 Peter 4:8-9 “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

Hebrews 13:2 “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

1 Timothy 3 “Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach...“

Romans 12:13 “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”

[all scripture quoted using the ESV translation]

To paraphrase The American Heritage Dictionary, hospitality can be defined as kindness in welcoming guests or strangers; the reception and entertainment of strangers or guests without reward, or with kind and generous liberality. However, the Greek word and tradition for hospitality, philoxenia (ϕιλοξενία), goes beyond merely having people over to our homes. It can also include a kind word to a harassed sales associate at the store, introducing ourselves to a new family we see at church, calling to check in with someone we heard was sick, giving financially to those in need, and in essence loving our neighbor as ourselves.

Scripture considers hospitality critical to the Christian church. So much so that hospitality is a qualification for being an ordained leader. No pressure there, wives of elders and deacons! But it makes sense, doesn’t it? Church is for reverent worship of our Holy Lord and Savior. But our homes are for fellowshipping, shepherding, exhorting, and feasting. There is a great joy of feeling loved and accepted that comes from being welcomed into another person’s home. There is also a deeper understanding of one another, an opportunity to know each other on a level much deeper than we ever would be able through casual conversation once a week at church. Hospitality is a lifeblood for the body of Christ. Not only is it critical for the closeness of the body, it’s also a really crucial way of witnessing to our friends and neighbors. We are not called to bash people in the head with scripture. We are called to welcome them to His Holy Word and to be willing to talk about it with them when they have questions. It is through welcoming others to our home, our willingness to answer questions, the glimpses we give of our family’s love that the Holy Spirit often opens doors for frank and real conversations. We cannot have those without trust being established, and what better way to establish that trust than by showing someone how welcome they are in our homes?

I may not be an expert in hospitality, but I have had an example of it shown to me for the last nineteen years. My mother-in-law is a woman who is genuinely spiritually gifted with hospitality. She exudes a genuine warmth and welcome to those around her that puts everyone at ease. I actually met her, having been invited over to her house as a literal stranger, before I even met my husband. And it was one of the most enjoyable nights of my memory. Yes, she is able to host on a large scale, in fact has hosted baby showers and wedding showers and numerous other receptions and gatherings for the blessing of those around her. But she’s also able to somehow bring a person in at next to no notice, throw together a meal for them, all the while making them feel that she is the one receiving a great wonderful treat in having them around her. Oh to have that kind of unconcerned joy in the receiving of a guest into my home!

I most likely will never have that level of ease in being hospitable, my spiritual strengths lie in other quarters, but that makes it no less an excuse for me to not welcome people into my home. At this stage in life, it most likely won’t be as seamless, or as regular as I would hope (talking to you random virus that takes out 2 of 3 children in a given week). But I am learning to do it as much as possible, and also to practice the habits of hospitality outside of hostessing.

Since I know I’m not the only lady in the world who struggles in this area, I thought I’d share with you what I am learning.

1. My kind of hospitality is not going to be pristine and perfect. It’s more like a rolled-out crust on an apple pie. It’s simple and a far cry from fancy, and yet it is good, warming, and joyful.

2. We can’t always have our church members over to our house. But we can be regularly praying for them. We’ve begun a tradition in our home where we go through the church picture directory each night at dinner. We pick a family or two, show the children their pictures, and pray for them. Through this we are better able to put faces with names, our children are getting to know our church, and we are more aware of needs when we hear about them.

3. Practicing hospitality can also be baking a pan of cookies, packaging them up, and dropping them off at someone’s door with a kind note letting them know we care.

4. Elderly neighbors don’t care what the house looks like. They don’t care how good the food is. They are more often than not lonely and in need of sweet company. Care for them, friends. Invite them into the chaos and joy of your lives.

5. Keep a couple of extra packages of pasta, some cans of pinto beans, parmesan cheese, and a little garlic in your pantry. You can easily have a company worthy meal of Pasta e Fagioli prepared at a moment’s notice.

If you find yourself delaying having people over because you are caught up in the imperfections of your home, cooking, etc, I hope that this article will be an encouragement to you. You aren’t alone in feeling this way, and yet God can use you, right where you’re at in the midst of all of life’s messiness. Older women, may I encourage you to take the time to work with younger women to teach them how to be warm and welcoming hostesses. Younger women, may I encourage you to start building friendships with these older ladies. Welcome their wisdom even if it seems very different from your own experiences. It’s ok, you can still learn from them and then make it into something that works for you. The key is opening your doors and welcoming others in. Sprinkle on the cinnamon and roll out that imperfect crust, it will not only change you but make a difference in the lives of all you welcome to it.

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Contende Pro Fide,

The Layman Apologist & Team